7 Proven Tips to Calm Wedding Speech Nerves and Speak with Confidence

It’s your wedding day — a moment overflowing with meaning and emotion. But when the time comes to speak your vows, even the most confident people I’ve met suddenly feel like they’re centre stage in a play they never auditioned for. And that’s okay — nerves are often just love dressed up as fear. You may speak in front of large groups for your work, on the phone speaking to strangers all day and even be a presenter! However, speaking about your love in front of family and friends can at times feel vastly different.

If your palms are sweaty at the mere thought of saying your vows aloud or giving a short speech during your ceremony, you're not alone. As a wedding celebrant based in Manchester, I’ve seen the most confident people go wobbly-kneed when it’s time to step into the spotlight.

But here’s the good news: You can feel calm, grounded, and even enjoy the moment.

Let’s walk through exactly how to go from fearful to confident, with simple steps that will help you keep your cool — and actually be present for one of the biggest moments of your life.

💬 First: Why Speaking Feels So Scary

Forget spiders or standing on a rooftop — for many, nothing’s scarier than sharing your heart out loud. Why? Because this isn’t just a speech; it’s a moment where you want every word to count. But when it’s your wedding, the pressure ramps up because:

• You want to say it right.

• You want to hold it together. And most of all, you want the person you love to feel just how much this moment means to you.

• That’s a lot for one set of vows to carry — no wonder it feels intense.

• You may not have much experience speaking publicly at all.

I always say to every couple. All of that is completely normal. Fear doesn’t mean you’re not ready — it just means this moment matters to you. It’s important and you want to make your loved one proud.

1. Write Words That Feel Like You

The first (and most important) step is writing something that feels natural to say aloud. I always think back to when I was teaching and examination prep! Never try on the biggest day of your life to be someone who you are not.

The most touching vows I’ve heard. They sound like the couple — not like a wedding magazine. Don’t worry about sounding poetic or polished. Speak like you’re having a cup of tea with your partner on a Sunday morning. That’s the voice that will move people.

Your words should feel like something you'd say in a heartfelt conversation. This is not your funny wedding evening speech when you might have had a couple of drinks and have all the funny things which have happened, and granny has gone home. This is what you say or have wanted to say to the one you love.

Try this:

• Write how you speak, not how you write.

• Use short sentences and contractions (e.g., “I’ve loved you since…”).

• Include small moments and memories — they’re easier to connect with emotionally and easier to say confidently.

My Tip: Practice saying your vows aloud as you write. If it sounds awkward, reword it.

2. Practice, But Not to Perfection

Yes, practice helps — but chasing perfection? That’s a fast track to frustration. Your vows aren’t meant to be recited like a TED talk. They’re meant to be felt. If your voice trembles, that’s emotion showing up — and that’s exactly what we want.

You want your words to feel familiar, but still heartfelt — not robotic. So instead of memorising everything, aim to get comfortable with the rhythm of your words.

How to practice effectively:

• Read your vows or speech aloud once a day for a week.

• Record yourself and listen back (as painful as that might be, it helps!). Get your phone out!

• Practice in front of a trusted friend or your celebrant — they can give gentle feedback and support.

My Tip: Remember: mistakes are part of the magic. A little wobble in your voice is often the most moving part. You never forget your words; you just want what you say to be perfect.

3. Breathe (For Real)

This might sound obvious — but when nerves hit, breathing becomes shallow and fast, which makes you feel more panicked.

Use this technique on the day:

• Before you speak, pause and take a grounding breath — in slowly, hold, then release longer than you inhale.

• I always remind my couples: breathing is your secret superpower. It tells your body, “Hey, we’re safe. We’ve got this.”

• Repeat 3–4 times before you speak.

My Tip: Try it a couple of times, it slows your heart rate, settles your nerves, and brings you back to the moment. I always prompt my couples when they are going to say their words.

4. Ground Yourself with a “Touchstone”

Before you speak, have something that grounds you. This could be:

• A glance at your partner’s eyes

• A small object in your hand (like a stone or piece of fabric)

• A deep breath while touching your heart.

This helps you drop into the moment and connect emotionally — not just mentally.

5. Use Cue Cards — and Use Them Well

Even if you have your vows written down, cue cards are a game-changer.

They’re:

• Easier to hold than a full page.

• Less intimidating visually

• Easier to glance at without losing your place.

Keep them simple:

• Large font

• Space between lines

• No more than 3–4 lines per card

Bonus: They look better in photos than a crumpled A4 sheet.

6. Talk to Me

You’re not doing this alone. A good celebrant is your calm anchor on the day.

Let them know you’re nervous. They can:

• I will prompt you gently if you lose your place.

• Reassure you with a smile or calming eye contact.

• Even build in small moments for breath or laughter in the ceremony structure

(And trust me — I’ve seen it all. You're not the first person to feel terrified. You won’t be judged.)

7. Give Yourself Permission to Feel

This is a huge moment. Emotions are meant to happen.

If your voice shakes, if tears come, if you laugh nervously — it’s all part of the beauty of the day. No one is expecting you to be perfect. They’re there for the real you. I don’t want you to be perfect – I want you to be comfortable.

🧠 Quick Recap: How to Keep Your Cool When Speaking at Your Wedding

• ✅ Use your natural voice when writing

• ✅ Practice without aiming for perfection

• ✅ Breathe deeply and ground yourself

• ✅ Use cue cards with clear, spaced-out text

• ✅ Talk to your celebrant about your nerves

• ✅ Let emotions happen — they’re beautiful

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Final Thought: Nerves Mean You Care

The truth? Most people feel a bit scared to speak at their wedding — and that’s okay. If not scared, nervous and if not nervous, you want to make your partner know how much you love them, and it means the moment matters. But with the right preparation, support, and mindset, you can move through that fear and feel grounded, confident, and present.

Your ceremony is about connection, not performance. Let your words reflect who you are — and speak to them with love.