So You’re Writing Your Own Vows? Let’s Do This

How to Write Your Own Wedding Vows David Allbutt Manchester Celebrant HasTips for Personal Vows

You've made the call — you're writing your own vows. A brilliant choice.
Now you’re staring at a blank page thinking:

“What have I done?”

Take a breath.
You haven’t messed up.
You’ve just begun the most meaningful part of your ceremony, and I’m here to walk you through it.

You’re not aiming for award-winning poetry.
You’re aiming for words that land in your partner’s chest and stay there.

The vows that move people aren’t the fancy ones — they’re the honest ones.

This is your moment to say:

“I know who you are. I choose you. Here’s what I’m bringing to our life together.”

That’s it.
Simple, real, powerful.

Let’s break this down in a way that won’t make your brain melt.

What You Need to Know Before You Start

Grab your phone, notebook, laptop — whatever you think faster on.
Set a 10-minute timer.

Now write to your partner as if they were right in front of you.

Here are some prompts to get things flowing:

• The moment you realised, “Oh. It’s you.”

• Something they do that makes your day better (and they don’t even know it)

• What surprised you most about loving them

• What excites you about the life you're building

• Even the annoying habit that has somehow become endearing

Don’t polish.
Don’t self-edit.
Don’t worry about sounding poetic.

Just get the raw material out.

Where to Begin: The 10-Minute Brain Dump

If structure settles your nerves, try this gentle four-part flow:

1. Begin with a moment

“The night we stayed up until 3am talking about everything and nothing, I knew.”

2. Name what you see in them

“You’re patient when I spiral. You make Tuesday evenings feel like celebrations.”

3. Make your promises

“I’ll bring you tea when you’re overwhelmed. I’ll listen, even when I want to fix things. I’ll choose us — especially when it’s hard.”

4. Close with a grounding line

“With you, I’m home.”

Clean. Personal. Beautiful.

A Simple Structure That Actually Helps

Sometimes your brain just needs something to push against.

Here’s a template you can play with:

“I fell for you when ____, because it showed me ____.
I promise to ____.
I’ll be your ____ when ____.
I’m ready to ____ with you.
You’re my ____.”

Use it exactly as it is.
Or twist it until it sounds like you.
Or ignore half of it.

Whatever helps your own voice come through.

Try This: A Fill-In-The-Blanks Starter

I cannot stress this enough — speak your vows out loud.

Not once.
Not twice.
A few times.

Do it while you’re cooking, getting ready, walking the dog, staring at the mirror, or whispering them to your cat.

You’ll hear what works.
You’ll hear what feels awkward.
And yes — you’ll probably get emotional.

Good.
That means it’s working.

Your vows should feel natural in your mouth, not like you borrowed someone else’s words.

The Non-Negotiable Step: Say It Out Loud

Aim for 1–2 minutes spoken — around 150–250 words.

If you're running long, ask:

“Does every sentence earn its place?”

Keep what moves you.
Cut what doesn’t.

Your vows don’t need to say everything — they need to say what matters most.

How Long Should They Be?

You don’t have to write your own vows to have a meaningful ceremony.

If this feels forced, overwhelming or just “not us,” that’s perfectly okay.

But if something deep down is pulling you toward it —
even nervously —
that’s worth listening to.

Your own words, on your wedding day, spoken to your person?

That’s powerful.

And you’re not doing it alone.
Helping couples shape beautiful, comfortable, intentionally crafted vows is literally part of my job.

A Gentle Reminder (One You Might Need)

Ready to Go Deeper?

If you’d like support shaping your vows, planning your ceremony, or finding words that feel true to you…

👉 Get in touch — I’d love to help create something unforgettable.

Ready to Go Deeper?