So You’re Writing Your Own Vows? Let’s Do This

Should you write your own wedding vows? Honest celebrant advice to help you decide. A warm, modern guide for couples exploring personal vows.

You’re planning a wedding, and someone — maybe your partner, maybe a friend, maybe that voice in your head — has suggested writing your own vows.

And now you’re wondering:
Should we actually do this?

Good question. Let me give you the honest answer no one else will.

First, let’s clear something up:

This isn’t about proving you’re creative or deeply in love.
You don’t earn extra points for doing it, and you’re not less committed if you don’t.

This is about choice — specifically, whether you want this moment in your ceremony to sound like you, or whether traditional vows already say exactly what you want to express.

Both choices are valid. Truly.

What Writing Your Own Vows Actually Means

1. It makes the ceremony unmistakably yours

Traditional vows are beautiful and time-tested.
But personal vows?
They turn your ceremony into something no one else could ever recreate.

2. You get to say the specific things that matter

Maybe you want to promise to always taste-test their baking experiments.
Maybe you want to acknowledge the way they held you steady through a difficult year.

These aren’t generic promises — they’re yours.

3. Your guests will actually lean in

After countless ceremonies, I can tell you this honestly:

People sometimes drift during standard readings.
But when someone begins speaking from the heart?

The room goes quiet.
People lean forward.
Phones go down.

Not because personal vows are performed better, but because they’re real.
And real always lands deeper than polished.

4. You’ll remember what you said

Years from now, you may forget small details of your wedding day.
But you will remember standing there, voice shaking slightly, telling your person exactly why you chose them.

That moment stays with you.

Why People Choose to Write Their Own

Let’s talk about what’s actually stopping people — because I’ve heard all of it.

“I’m going to cry and ruin everything.”

You might cry.
Your partner might cry.
Your mum will almost definitely cry.

And that won’t ruin a thing.
In fact, those are often the moments everyone remembers most — not as something that went wrong, but as the moment everything felt real.

Tears aren’t a malfunction.
They’re proof that what you’re saying matters.

“I’m not a writer — mine will sound terrible.”

You’re not writing a novel.
You’re making a promise.

Your vows don’t need to be eloquent; they need to be honest.
The vows that move people aren’t the beautifully crafted ones — they’re the ones where someone’s voice comes through.

And stumbling because you’re emotional?
That’s not “terrible”.
That’s human.

“What if I freeze and forget what to say?”

You’ll have notes.
You can read from a card.
No one expects you to memorise anything.

This isn’t a test.
It’s a conversation with the love of your life, witnessed by people who care about you.

If you lose your place, you pause, find your line, and carry on.
Everyone in that room is rooting for you.

“What if theirs are better than mine?”

A surprisingly common fear.

You’re not competing.
You’re each speaking your own truth.
Different isn’t better or worse — it’s just different.
That’s the point of marriage: two perspectives, one partnership.

The Fears That Hold People Back (And Why They’re Lying to You)

If you’re hesitant because:

• Public speaking terrifies you → traditional vows might feel safer.

• You “don’t know what to say” → this series will help you.

• You feel pressured by someone else → don’t do it.

• You love traditional vows → choose them confidently.

If you’re drawn to it because:

• There’s something specific you want to promise

• You want the ceremony to feel intimate

• You’ve imagined saying certain words

• You want a moment that feels deeply personal

…then that pull is worth exploring.

What If You’re Still Unsure?

I’ve witnessed traditional vows that were profoundly moving, and personal vows that fell flat.
I’ve also seen the reverse.

The format isn’t what makes the moment — your intention is.

If you choose personal vows, I’ll help you shape them into something you’re proud to speak.
If you choose traditional vows, I’ll guide you through them with meaning and confidence.

What matters is that your ceremony feels true to you.
Everything else is detail.

Here’s My Take as Your Celebrant

Only you can answer that.
But if you’re feeling even a gentle pull toward writing your own vows — even a nervous one — it’s worth exploring.

Writing your own vows isn’t about being brave or poetic.
It’s about choosing whether your own words are the ones you want to mark this moment with, or whether the time-honoured language of traditional vows already says what your heart wants to say.

Either way, you’re making a promise that matters.
That’s what your wedding day is really about.

So… Should You Do It?

Let’s create a ceremony that feels like you.

👉 Get in touch — I’d love to hear your story.

Ready to explore what your vows could sound like?